Man's sister "condemns him to die"

Post by **faceless** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 10:57 am

CONDEMNED TO DIE BY MY OWN SISTER
By Paul Byrne 24/03/2007

A CANCER victim claims he will die because his sister will not donate her bone marrow. Leukaemia sufferer Simon Pretty, 46, has a rare tissue type and doctors believe sibling Helen, 43, is the only person in the world who is a perfect match. But she refuses to have the vital operation and the chances of finding another donor are slim - which means the dad-of-three could die within months. His partner Jacqueline Fenton now fears she will be left to bring up their children Rebecca, eight, Jack, six, and Benjamin, three, on her own. Simon, who is having chemotherapy, said: "We found a prayer in Rebecca's coat which said, 'Please don't let my daddy die from cancer.' That brought tears to my eyes. When people hear about what has happened they are lost for words," said the human resources manager from Mobberley, Cheshire. In July 2004, he was diagnosed with the rare cancer acute promyelocytic leukaemia.

Simon, who admits he was never close to his sister, claims she agreed to help but then changed her mind. Doctors only gave him a 45 per cent chance of surviving the first stage of chemotherapy at the Christie Hospital in Manchester. Then, in January, Simon returned home and broke down over the cure that was being denied him. In desperation, Jacqueline visited Helen at her home hoping she could convince her. But the mother-of-two again refused to have the op, claiming: "I am putting my family first." Jacqueline revealed: "I said, 'Don't you care if your brother dies?' She said, 'It's very sad'." She launched herself at Helen. The pair scuffled on the doorstep and Jacqueline was arrested. No further action was taken but Helen's solicitor instructed Jacqueline to stay away. Helen, who runs a private education business in Wilmslow, Cheshire, refused to comment.

Bone marrow cells can be extracted from a hole drilled in the pelvic bone, an operation done under general anaesthetic. A less invasive technique involves injecting a growth hormone to stimulate cell movement in the blood before harvesting cells.

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There should be a law against people refusing to help like this - she's basically causing this man's death through her own selfishness and there is no justification for it at all. I hope the guy's wife got a few punches in before the cops turned up.

Griffo · Post by **Griffo** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 11:40 am

I just hope she can live with herself when he does die!

I know i wouldn't be able to.

fritz · Post by **fritz** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 12:07 pm

How vary vary sad.

IRiSHMaFIA · Post by **IRiSHMaFIA** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 2:20 pm

How bloody horrible she is. There would be no risk to her whatsoever. Her response sounded cold and callous and I hope she rots in hell. If I walked past her on the street I'd be tempted to thump her one.

maycm · Post by **maycm** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 2:28 pm

I'll be taking bets that everyone who uses her business withdraws from using her services.

I hope she ends up destitute and loses everything.

pirtybirdy · Post by **pirtybirdy** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 2:42 pm

I think she is sick in the head. I'd also give her a few thumps if no one was looking. This woman will be considered a lump of shit in her community for the rest of her life.

Post by **eefanincan** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 5:19 pm

It's a shame she wouldn't consider doing this. Sure, she'd not feel great for a few days after the operation, but, for her, it would be pretty minimally invasive thing, at worst she'd be a bit achy and tired. The recipient basically gets an IV infusion of the bone marrow, and the body does the rest.

That being said and done, there are many things that can happen after a bone marrow transplant, and theres an extremely good chance that this man would not live anyway........ I've seen this more often than not.

In anycase, I think it would have been nice for her to give it a try, but it's a huge decision to make and if you're not comfortable with it, you probably shouldn't do it. Myself, I'd give it a go in a minute.

IRiSHMaFIA · Post by **IRiSHMaFIA** » Sat Mar 24, 2007 8:43 pm

eefanincan wrote:It's a shame she wouldn't consider doing this. Sure, she'd not feel great for a few days after the operation, but, for her, it would be pretty minimally invasive thing, at worst she'd be a bit achy and tired. The recipient basically gets an IV infusion of the bone marrow, and the body does the rest.

That being said and done, there are many things that can happen after a bone marrow transplant, and theres an extremely good chance that this man would not live anyway........ I've seen this more often than not.

In anycase, I think it would have been nice for her to give it a try, but it's a huge decision to make and if you're not comfortable with it, you probably shouldn't do it. Myself, I'd give it a go in a minute.

Have you ever seen a situation like this in all your years of nursing eefan? Just wondering how often this sort of thing happens, especially when its a sibling or family member.

harry perkins · Post by **harry perkins** » Sun Mar 25, 2007 12:39 am

"Helen, who runs a private education business"

Trust her to be selfish

Post by **Skylace** » Sun Mar 25, 2007 12:43 am

How terrible. If I was a match for a total stranger I would be more then willing to give. This is one hell of a dysfuntional family!

Post by **eefanincan** » Sun Mar 25, 2007 1:31 am

IRiSHMaFIA wrote: Have you ever seen a situation like this in all your years of nursing eefan? Just wondering how often this sort of thing happens, especially when its a sibling or family member.

I dealt with a good number of bone marrow transplants (BMT's) as I worked in pediatric oncology ---we did all the pre-procedure care and workup, then they went to Toronto to have them done, then we got them back for the post BMT care (really only adult BMT's are done in my city). Since this was pediatrics, I can't say that I really ran into this as most people would give their right arm to save their child, without question. I've never seen one BMT work in the time that I was there. At most, the children lasted about a year afterwards then passed on--- not of cancer, mind you, but usually somekind of infection such as graft vs. host (where the new bone marrow cells and the hosts body are at odds and it's rejected). I had a friend who donated her bone marrow for her mother...same situation.

Can't say I totally dealt with anyone denying a bone marrow donation, but I have seen them deny donating a portion of their liver to someone for a transplant. It's really very complicated when faced with this kind of decision.

Perhaps I'm looking at this situation different than most because of my background. There are really some pretty major decisions to be made and a lot don't feel comfortable doing it for someone unless they're extremely close to them. And I'm sure there's a lot of people out there who are much closer to some of their friends than family members.

If we were all so wonderful and wanting to help other's, we'd all sign up to be part of a bone marrow transplant donation registry.... but I'd venture to say that we're all not signed up.

What it comes down to is that it's a very individual decision. Perhaps these two individuals had a lot of negative history between them --- abuse, violence, whatever---- we'll never know why. I know that I never met my biological maternal grandfather, but based on the history of what he'd done to my mother and grandmother, I wouldn't grant a request such as this. So, perhaps there's something like that behind this womans decision, who knows. But, yes, this happens everyday, and most of the time, it's not made public like this.

Post by **Skylace** » Sun Mar 25, 2007 1:34 am

eefanincan wrote:
IRiSHMaFIA wrote: Have you ever seen a situation like this in all your years of nursing eefan? Just wondering how often this sort of thing happens, especially when its a sibling or family member.
I dealt with a good number of bone marrow transplants (BMT's) as I worked in pediatric oncology ---we did all the pre-procedure care and workup, then they went to Toronto to have them done, then we got them back for the post BMT care (really only adult BMT's are done in my city). Since this was pediatrics, I can't say that I really ran into this as most people would give their right arm to save their child, without question. I've never seen one BMT work in the time that I was there. At most, the children lasted about a year afterwards then passed on--- not of cancer, mind you, but usually somekind of infection such as graft vs. host (where the new bone marrow cells and the hosts body are at odds and it's rejected). I had a friend who donated her bone marrow for her mother...same situation.

Can't say I totally dealt with anyone denying a bone marrow donation, but I have seen them deny donating a portion of their liver to someone for a transplant. It's really very complicated when faced with this kind of decision.

Perhaps I'm looking at this situation different than most because of my background. There are really some pretty major decisions to be made and a lot don't feel comfortable doing it for someone unless they're extremely close to them. And I'm sure there's a lot of people out there who are much closer to some of their friends than family members.

If we were all so wonderful and wanting to help other's, we'd all sign up to be part of a bone marrow transplant donation registry.... but I'd venture to say that we're all not signed up.

What it comes down to is that it's a very individual decision. Perhaps these two individuals had a lot of negative history between them --- abuse, violence, whatever---- we'll never know why. I know that I never met my biological maternal grandfather, but based on the history of what he'd done to my mother and grandmother, I wouldn't grant a request such as this. So, perhaps there's something like that behind this womans decision, who knows. But, yes, this happens everyday, and most of the time, it's not made public like this.

Honestly, I've tried to sign up. But our place to go to is in Albuquerque. I've called and left messages and never heard back

Post by **eefanincan** » Sun Mar 25, 2007 1:38 am

Skylace wrote: Honestly, I've tried to sign up. But our place to go to is in Albuquerque. I've called and left messages and never heard back

That's terrible! There's a shortage of people as it is that they can't afford to be ignoring messages! Well, kudos to you for at least trying, Sky. I can honestly say that I haven't registered. I think I could do it if someone I knew needed one, but I don't know that I could do the registry thing. I have signed up to be an organ donor though.

Post by **Skylace** » Sun Mar 25, 2007 1:39 am

eefanincan wrote:
Skylace wrote: Honestly, I've tried to sign up. But our place to go to is in Albuquerque. I've called and left messages and never heard back
That's terrible! There's a shortage of people as it is that they can't afford to be ignoring messages! Well, kudos to you for at least trying, Sky. I can honestly say that I haven't registered. I think I could do it if someone I knew needed one, but I don't know that I could do the registry thing. I have signed up to be an organ donor though.

I am signed up as an organ donor. I've yet to figure out why I was never called back. I should probably try and call again.
After losing my father to cancer I want to help others to make sure they don't have to go through that also.

IRiSHMaFIA · Post by **IRiSHMaFIA** » Sun Mar 25, 2007 4:29 am

Skylace wrote:
eefanincan wrote:
Skylace wrote: Honestly, I've tried to sign up. But our place to go to is in Albuquerque. I've called and left messages and never heard back
That's terrible! There's a shortage of people as it is that they can't afford to be ignoring messages! Well, kudos to you for at least trying, Sky. I can honestly say that I haven't registered. I think I could do it if someone I knew needed one, but I don't know that I could do the registry thing. I have signed up to be an organ donor though.
I am signed up as an organ donor. I've yet to figure out why I was never called back. I should probably try and call again.
After losing my father to cancer I want to help others to make sure they don't have to go through that also.

That's one thing my dad always instilled in us was to be an organ donor. I agreed right off when he suggested it, but when he passed on it was a very hard decision to make when they wanted his kidneys.

We knew how serious he was about it and had no hesitation, but when you're in the situation where they're basically keeping the patient alive for organs it seems so clinical and non caring, but when the grief of loss eases a wee bit you know you've done the proper thing.

We had notification not long after that my dads kidneys saved another persons life, so the way we looked at it was a bit of my dad is still here with us and a life was saved which is precious in itself.

I'd not give a second thought to do it myself because the experience taught me what it really means and how important it is.