Bat out of hell
By Tony Stewart
Nov 1[/align]
Nobody could ever accuse disgraced English tutor John Stape of not having a perversely wicked sense of humour. Who else would imprison Dozy Rosie Webster with only a few classic novels to read – including Jane Eyre, featuring the unfortunate Mrs Rochester, better known as ‘the madwoman in the attic’? And yes, he is trying to tell her something. ‘The teacher in me just took over,’ he admits. ‘Felt like she needed to be taught a lesson… I was gunna let her go, but it’s not easy when you’ve got someone locked in yer gran’s attic.’
Blimey, you don’t say, mate. While the lights might be on upstairs in the isolated house, as far as Dozy Rosie’s concerned, nobody’s at home. For it took the cerebrally-challenged little minx the best part of five weeks to hatch an escape plan – only to fall off the wardrobe and knock herself out on Friday. Talk about bats in the belfry…
As we return to her ‘cell’ on Monday, she has regained consciousness, while Fiz and John return from their holiday. And he comes out with that immortal line… ‘Listen,’ he says, ‘I better pop round and feed the cat.’ Unfortunately, he’s sent off on an airport run and Fiz takes it on herself to tend to the moggy. And so begins an exciting race to get to John’s gran’s house first – with Rosie waiting with a length of wood, ready to clobber him.
‘Come on, Johnny boy,’ she hisses from her hiding place. ‘Time to check my homework.’
This is a classic Corrie cocktail of laugh-out-loud humour, drama, violence and tears as Fiz arrives just before John. ‘Here puss, puss, puss,’ she calls. ‘Come out, come out, wherever you are…’ John’s smacked over the head, Rosie escapes, Fiz is devastated, and the police arrest her fella. Let’s hope they have a big library at the prison. He’s going to need it.
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