It's a cracker !!

pirtybirdy · Post by **pirtybirdy** » Thu May 24, 2012 11:00 pm

LOL!! LOL!! Love it! LOL!

Post by **faceless** » Thu May 24, 2012 11:17 pm

haha, now that is a cracker!

Brown Sauce · Post by **Brown Sauce** » Mon May 28, 2012 12:39 pm

Post by **faceless** » Mon May 28, 2012 2:29 pm

Brown Sauce · Post by **Brown Sauce** » Mon May 28, 2012 6:13 pm

great

gordonrussell · Post by **gordonrussell** » Sat Jun 02, 2012 9:37 pm

J ub il e - sick bag

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Post by **faceless** » Sat Jun 02, 2012 10:10 pm

haha, cool - but it's a nappy, not a sick bag

gordonrussell · Post by **gordonrussell** » Sun Jun 03, 2012 5:51 pm

gordonrussell · Post by **gordonrussell** » Sun Jul 01, 2012 12:33 pm

[font=Symbol]If you get an email telling you that you can catch Swine Flu from tins of ham then delete it. It's Spam. [/font]

[font=Comic Sans MS] When I was a kid people used to cover me in chocolate and cream and put a cherry on my head. Yeah, life was tough in the gateau. [/font]

gordonrussell · Post by **gordonrussell** » Fri Jul 20, 2012 11:38 am

Improvements in Hell
An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After awhile, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.

One day God called to Satan to mock him, "So, how's it going down there in Hell?"

Satan replied, "Hey, things are great. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there's no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God was surprised, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here."

"No way," replied Satan. "I like having an engineer, and I'm keeping him."

God threatened, "Send him back up here now or I'll sue!"

Satan laughed and answered, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

gordonrussell · Post by **gordonrussell** » Mon Sep 17, 2012 1:55 am

One morning, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside
cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up,
and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a fish and game warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?'

'reading a book,' she replies, (thinking, 'isn't that obvious?')

'you're in a restricted fishing area,' he informs her.

'i'm sorry, officer, but i'm not fishing. I'm reading.'

'yes, but i see you have all the equipment.
For all i know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up.'

'if you do that, i'll have to charge you with sexual assault,' says the woman.

'but i haven't even touched you,' says the game warden.

'that's true, but you have all the equipment..
For all i know you could start at any moment.'

'have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

gordonrussell · Post by **gordonrussell** » Mon Sep 17, 2012 10:39 pm

gordonrussell · Post by **gordonrussell** » Sat Sep 29, 2012 4:58 am

A married couple went to the hospital together to have their baby delivered.

Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the knob to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 percent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine, so he asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and pulse and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this, they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, he encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home,they found the mailman dead on their porch.

gordonrussell · Post by **gordonrussell** » Sat Oct 06, 2012 1:39 am

[font=Comic Sans MS]A lady went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen.

The woman asked the cowboy if it's true what they say about men with big feet are well endowed.

The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him.

The next morning she handed him a \\$100 bill.

Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me fer mah services before."

"Don't be flattered. [/font]
Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

gordonrussell · Post by **gordonrussell** » Sat Oct 27, 2012 8:56 pm

Great to see the Halloween theme on the site, so here's a topical joke -

Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married.

One broom was, of course, the bride broom, the other the groom broom.

The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely.

After the wedding, at the wedding dinner, the bride-broom leaned over and said to the groom-broom, 'I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!'

'IMPOSSIBLE !' said the groom broom.

'WE HAVEN'T EVEN SWEPT TOGETHER!'

couchtripper

It's a cracker !!

What a whopper.