HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD? WELL......YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE!

MY NAME IS ALICE SMITH AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DENTAL DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY SECONDARY SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?

UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT. THIS BALDING, GREY HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS FAR TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK SECONDARY SCHOOL .

'YES, YES I DID. I'M A MORGANNER! ' HE BEAMED WITH PRIDE. 'WHEN DID YOU LEAVE TO GO TO COLLEGE?' I ASKED HE ANSWERED, IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK? 'YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!' I EXCLAIMED.

HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.

THEN THAT UGLY,
OLD,
BALD,
WRINKLED,
FAT ARSED,
GREY HAIRED,
DECREPIT,
B*ST*RD ASKED....

[spoil]'WHAT DID YOU TEACH?'[/spoil]

It's a cracker for sure.

cracker !!

I got cut up by a taxi driver last week, and as I was walking through town today I recognised him in his car at the back of the queue at the taxi rank.

I got in the first taxi in the queue and said "How much to the station ?" "£5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him. "That's disgusting" he said "Get out of my cab"

I got in the second taxi and said "How much to the station ?". "£5" said the driver. "And how much for a blow job ?" I asked him. "I'm not having any of that" he said "Get out of my cab"

I worked my way down the line, getting thrown out of each taxi in turn, until I came to my target at the back of the queue. "How much to the station ?". "£5" said the driver. "Ok" I said "Let's go"

As we pulled out and overtook the other taxis I wound the window down and gave all the other drivers a thumbs up with a big grin on my face.

-------------------

Some really good jokes already - Thanks for sharing the Laughter around



" Morning Sex"


She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual
soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only
the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said
softly, “You’ve got to make love to me this very moment!"

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming
or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then
gave it my all - right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove,
her T-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked,
"What was that all about?"
she explained, "The egg timer's broken."

For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.

"You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.

The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.

"You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them.

Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I'll shite on it's head."

haha, good one

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk,
an Australian, a German, an American, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a
Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an
Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serbian, a Swiss, a Greek, a
Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Sri Lankan, and an African went to a night club.

The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai."

LOL!! LOL!! Love it! LOL!

haha, now that is a cracker!

great